I don't have much to report on the job search. I applied for three jobs yesterday. I'm up to 32, it's only a matter of time before I start hearing back... hopefully. Also, I start a part-time job next week. This is great because I no longer feel obligated to make finding a job my full time job. I want a job, but I just can't bring myself to sit on my computer 8 hours a day and submit applications/resumes/cover letters over and over. The next time I find myself with so much free-time will probably be when I am retired. I'm enjoying this phase of my life and taking plenty of time out for my creative labor.
I feel like I have bounced back from the devastation of the assessment last week. I can only be upset about an extremely difficult exam for a certain amount of time, that seems to be 4 days maximum. Plus, I haven't heard anything back yet, so there is still hope. Hope, sunshine and literature are enough to keep me going these days.
I am reading John Barth's "Lost in the Funhouse," in it, he references "The Book of One Thousand and One Nights." Reading Barth discuss "The Book of One Thousand and One Nights" felt like when you meet someone and then find out you have a friend in common. I enjoyed it.
Barth is quite critical of traditional narrative, some consider his essay, "The Literature of Exhaustion" the death notice of the novel. Barth interests me, he is playful and makes me think, and confuses me. I know how he feels about the narrative, but I'm not there yet.
The story I read today is about a king whose ship wrecked because it was drawn to a magnetic mountain.(Sounds like the TV show Lost) When the King gets to the island he meets a young man who is hiding out on the island because a soothsayer predicted he would be killed... by the stranded king! The king gets along with the boy and thinks the prediction is wrong. One day the boy asks for help slicing a watermelon. The king trips with his sword and accidentally kills the young man. Maybe I'm gullible for believing in narrative, but it was a satisfying story and I hope to read more stories like it. I think I have a lot more to read and learn before I'm exhausted by literuate. At least Barth will be there for me when I am, and we have a friend in common after all.
Barth would hate that ending. Ha!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
The Machine's Mastery
Nearly everyday I envy some unknowable mass of people. These people find respectable careers immediately after graduation because they have connections. It may sound paranoid, but I have reason to believe these people hold positions of power in government and control most multinational corporations.
The Book of One Thousand and One Nights taught me quite the lesson on envy today. One man envied his neighbor and plotted the envied's destruction. Things backfired and the envied became a king and the envier became a baboon. The possibility of becoming a primate really makes one consider their own nebulous envy. What am I really accomplishing by letting cronyism frustrate me in addition to the stresses of the job hunt?
I feel I am a qualified candidate for all the publishing jobs for which I've applied. I understand they are flooded with applicants and I might not be the best. But there are things I do not, can not, and refuse to understand. I have applied for several positions at a specific publishing house. I decided one day to look at their internship program. The website included information and a photograph, which haunts me. It is a picture of all the summer 2009 interns. Front and center is a woman, scrawny, bleach-blond military style hair-cut, very "anti-establishment" looking. She is TEXTING! I have no fear of being turned into a baboon, because I have crossed from envy to righteous anger. I have applied for so many positions, written so many heartfelt cover letters, and some girl who can't put her cell-phone down for two-minutes gets a publishing internship.
I realize that the game is rigged and not in my favor. I wonder if texting-blondie got the internship through "networking." I have never felt less human than at "networking" events. So much is achieved through human interaction. It's comforting, entertaining, interesting, life-sustaining. But somehow I find myself searching for a job in a world where human interaction has been reduced to its lowest form. Career hopefuls go to network events and meet people solely to use them and further their own career. To me it's horrifying, but it has become the norm.
I can't quite grasp how I feel about all this: envy, the rigged game, networking. I've been writing and re-writing for over and hour and still can't answer my own questions.
What do I do about my envy?
We all know the game is rigged, but what do we do? Stay on the sidelines or get in the game?
How in the world did networking become okay? What does it do to us as humans to have completely self-seeking human interaction become the norm? Am I over-reacting?
I will have lots to write about tomorrow and for weeks to come.
The Book of One Thousand and One Nights taught me quite the lesson on envy today. One man envied his neighbor and plotted the envied's destruction. Things backfired and the envied became a king and the envier became a baboon. The possibility of becoming a primate really makes one consider their own nebulous envy. What am I really accomplishing by letting cronyism frustrate me in addition to the stresses of the job hunt?
I feel I am a qualified candidate for all the publishing jobs for which I've applied. I understand they are flooded with applicants and I might not be the best. But there are things I do not, can not, and refuse to understand. I have applied for several positions at a specific publishing house. I decided one day to look at their internship program. The website included information and a photograph, which haunts me. It is a picture of all the summer 2009 interns. Front and center is a woman, scrawny, bleach-blond military style hair-cut, very "anti-establishment" looking. She is TEXTING! I have no fear of being turned into a baboon, because I have crossed from envy to righteous anger. I have applied for so many positions, written so many heartfelt cover letters, and some girl who can't put her cell-phone down for two-minutes gets a publishing internship.
I realize that the game is rigged and not in my favor. I wonder if texting-blondie got the internship through "networking." I have never felt less human than at "networking" events. So much is achieved through human interaction. It's comforting, entertaining, interesting, life-sustaining. But somehow I find myself searching for a job in a world where human interaction has been reduced to its lowest form. Career hopefuls go to network events and meet people solely to use them and further their own career. To me it's horrifying, but it has become the norm.
I can't quite grasp how I feel about all this: envy, the rigged game, networking. I've been writing and re-writing for over and hour and still can't answer my own questions.
What do I do about my envy?
We all know the game is rigged, but what do we do? Stay on the sidelines or get in the game?
How in the world did networking become okay? What does it do to us as humans to have completely self-seeking human interaction become the norm? Am I over-reacting?
I will have lots to write about tomorrow and for weeks to come.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Sparkly Heroes
Today's story in the Book of One Thousand and One Nights had all the makings of bad sitcom. A man sneaks into a woman's house so that they my have an affair, but her husband comes home unexpectedly.
"Quick! Get out of here, hide!" says the woman.
The man flees, but forgets his sandals.
We've all seen this plot before. Most of the time offenders are punished with odious chores, or being grounded. In the Book of One Thousand and One Nights the punishment is to be tortured for hours, then have your hands and feet cut off so that you will bleed to death. Of course, this only applies to women. Different times, different times.
I may not have a job, but at least I have hands and feet. I'm glad the book of One Thousand and One Nights can help me keep things in perspective.
I looked at several jobs today. I applied for none. I did accomplish something though. I knit a dishrag. It is sturdy and absorbent and could probably hold many tears of disappointment. I like it. My official crying kerchief, knit especially for my job hunt. I haven't used it yet, and maybe I won't have to. On second thought, knitting a crying kerchief sounds a lot like learned helplessness. Let the record show I knit a dishrag today. I think Ayn Rand would approve. Here is what she has to say.
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, not-yet, and not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists... it is real...it is possible... it is yours."
Gee Ayn, thanks for believing in me. I think Ayn sums up how I feel at this point in the job search. Have I already lost some of those irreplaceable sparks? Getting kicked down is part of job the search, but losing my spark, my irreplaceable spark?
As each day passes it all seems a bit more difficult. It is not as easy to imagine ever getting out of this town. I stop believing in my own potential a little bit.
But now is no time for those thoughts. I have a world to win. There is a hero in my soul and I must make sure she doesn't perish. And I still have hands and feet.
"Quick! Get out of here, hide!" says the woman.
The man flees, but forgets his sandals.
We've all seen this plot before. Most of the time offenders are punished with odious chores, or being grounded. In the Book of One Thousand and One Nights the punishment is to be tortured for hours, then have your hands and feet cut off so that you will bleed to death. Of course, this only applies to women. Different times, different times.
I may not have a job, but at least I have hands and feet. I'm glad the book of One Thousand and One Nights can help me keep things in perspective.
I looked at several jobs today. I applied for none. I did accomplish something though. I knit a dishrag. It is sturdy and absorbent and could probably hold many tears of disappointment. I like it. My official crying kerchief, knit especially for my job hunt. I haven't used it yet, and maybe I won't have to. On second thought, knitting a crying kerchief sounds a lot like learned helplessness. Let the record show I knit a dishrag today. I think Ayn Rand would approve. Here is what she has to say.
"Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swaps of the not-quite, not-yet, and not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish in lonely frustration for the life you deserved and have never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won. It exists... it is real...it is possible... it is yours."
Gee Ayn, thanks for believing in me. I think Ayn sums up how I feel at this point in the job search. Have I already lost some of those irreplaceable sparks? Getting kicked down is part of job the search, but losing my spark, my irreplaceable spark?
As each day passes it all seems a bit more difficult. It is not as easy to imagine ever getting out of this town. I stop believing in my own potential a little bit.
But now is no time for those thoughts. I have a world to win. There is a hero in my soul and I must make sure she doesn't perish. And I still have hands and feet.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
What do you do if you have no boot straps?
It was a slaughter. It all started with computer programming problems. I have no programming experience. It was like being expected to have a conversation in a language you don't know. Then there was a section with riddles. Riddles. I graduated with highest honors from a respected university and I am doing riddles to prove myself.
I don't know the results yet, but I'm preparing for the worst. I had put job applications on hold to see how things would work out with this job. I think it's time for me to move on and start applying again. It is so exhausting to send out all these applications when maybe 1 out of 4 companies have the decency to at least tell you the position has been filled by someone else.
I guess for now I'll have to keep on hoping. I am getting a lot of good practice at being hopeful.
I'll be back tomorrow, and I'll actually fill you in on The Book of One Thousand and One Nights. I also won't be as self-pitying. For now, my brain feels like it's been shred over a grater and I'm going to bed.
I don't know the results yet, but I'm preparing for the worst. I had put job applications on hold to see how things would work out with this job. I think it's time for me to move on and start applying again. It is so exhausting to send out all these applications when maybe 1 out of 4 companies have the decency to at least tell you the position has been filled by someone else.
I guess for now I'll have to keep on hoping. I am getting a lot of good practice at being hopeful.
I'll be back tomorrow, and I'll actually fill you in on The Book of One Thousand and One Nights. I also won't be as self-pitying. For now, my brain feels like it's been shred over a grater and I'm going to bed.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Golems are the new Vampire
When I'm not trying to find a job I'm trying to come up with the next literary teen sensation, like Harry Potter or Twilight. My first idea is based on the tradition of the Golem. It's this old folklore about people who build a creature(a Golem) out of whatever they can find. Then you put a stone in the belly button of the Golem and it comes to life. The Golem protects its creator, but also gets involved in all sorts of hilarious hi-jinks. This may sound like it would not be marketable to teenagers, but I've got it all figured out. It involves a beautiful, intelligent woman who is also a social outcast. She goes to a Uni High and has access to all sorts of high tech equipment and is able to create a Golem. Instead of a stone in the belly button, it will be a belly-button-piercing that brings the Golem to life. The teens will eat this up. There are still a lot of major plot issues to work on, but it will come to me.
After the Golem sensation has died down I will be fully prepared to hit the teeny boppers with a new book. This one will be based on The Book of One Thousand and One Nights. I have no idea how I will pull this one off yet. I have 1,100 pages left in The Book. This should be plenty of time for everything to become clear to me. The Book is full of creative story structures for me to borrow, and there are no copyright issues.
Today I read about a couple who could not be together because their family forbade it. So the man spent years building an elaborate grave where he can spend eternity with his love since they cannot be together in life. Teens go crazy for that forbidden love stuff. As long as I leave out the part about the couple being brother and sister, the story should work out just fine.
Until I write a hit novel I am going to have to get a real job. Tomorrow is a do or die day with the Madison job. At 1 P.M. I am taking a proctored assessment that will determine whether or not I progress in the recruitment process. I've worked through a GRE review book, read two grammar books and worked through a lot of LSAT logic stuff in preparation. I love a good high-pressure exam. I hope I do well enough not only to move on in the recruitment process, but to impress the recruiters. Maybe all the exams I took in my schooling were preparation for this momentous assessment.
I'm going to get to bed-an important part of the test preparation process. I'll let you know how everything goes tomorrow.
After the Golem sensation has died down I will be fully prepared to hit the teeny boppers with a new book. This one will be based on The Book of One Thousand and One Nights. I have no idea how I will pull this one off yet. I have 1,100 pages left in The Book. This should be plenty of time for everything to become clear to me. The Book is full of creative story structures for me to borrow, and there are no copyright issues.
Today I read about a couple who could not be together because their family forbade it. So the man spent years building an elaborate grave where he can spend eternity with his love since they cannot be together in life. Teens go crazy for that forbidden love stuff. As long as I leave out the part about the couple being brother and sister, the story should work out just fine.
Until I write a hit novel I am going to have to get a real job. Tomorrow is a do or die day with the Madison job. At 1 P.M. I am taking a proctored assessment that will determine whether or not I progress in the recruitment process. I've worked through a GRE review book, read two grammar books and worked through a lot of LSAT logic stuff in preparation. I love a good high-pressure exam. I hope I do well enough not only to move on in the recruitment process, but to impress the recruiters. Maybe all the exams I took in my schooling were preparation for this momentous assessment.
I'm going to get to bed-an important part of the test preparation process. I'll let you know how everything goes tomorrow.
A Pants Day
I was quite impressed with The Book of One Thousand and One Nights today. After the orgy(in the book, not my life) I had low expectations. But luckily, I was proved wrong.
The three women I left to their orgy are master puppeteers in an international conspiracy. They are imprisoning princes from 7 different countries. Whoa! I could not believe it. The international conspiracy story is common now, but in the ancient middle east! I thought the international conspiracy storyline probably emerged around the time of World War I, then gained popularity during the Cold War. Shows how little I know. I also would have thought "the master puppeteer" gimmick appeared around the industrial age when the corporation emerged. Also surprising, the dirt-bag politician. The dirt-bag politician is common throughout history. However, in American history it remained hush hush until Pres. Bill Clinton. Scherzade is so edgy- she tells it like it is. I had no idea that in reading The Book of One Thousand and One Nights I would find a new heroine.
Today was more than just a good reading day though. Today was an all around success. I woke up at 10 AM today and put on jeans. I did not take them off until 9 pm, and that was only to put on pants suitable for working out. Do you understand the gravity of this? I put on pants. Also, I did not watch The Martha Stewart show today. I was too busy studying for my assessment on Wednesday for this job in Madison. If you aren't already overwhelmed by my personal victories, read on. I invented a new expression today, "pants day." A pants day is an exceptionally productive day, a day filled with pride, a day when you feel limitless, a day when the earth seems to buzz with possibility.
Another part of my pants day- I developed a plan for reading the particularly difficult works in the Canon of western/ world literature. The way I'm reading The Book Of One Thousand and One Nights has been successful. I only read around 20 pages a day and I have plenty of time to read less arduous books. I will employ this strategy to read Milton's Paradise Lost, after I'm done with my current project. How thrilling to read Paradise Lost! People often criticize the Canon, but I see the purpose. It is exciting to read something that has been read for hundreds of years. It makes me feel like I'm part of a club that transcends time and geography and the world itself as we all find ourselves lost in a fictitious world. I once heard an author on Book TV say something to this effect: Literature is more intimate than life itself. If life is air, literature is oxygen. Literature is that essential thing. The reason to breathe. That which sustains life.
I wish I could write something like that, but I'm perfectly content to live in a world where someone is capable of such eloquence, even if I am not that person. I can't remember the author, but I think she says more in those few sentences about the value of literature than I will ever be able to express.
In making this journey to find a job I've realized there are many things more important to me than having a resume that will get me noticed. The thing I'm most proud of is my membership in the most intimate, compassionate, beautiful, tragic club in the world, the club of literature. Perhaps I can put that under "community involvement" on my resume.
I hope any readers out there will join me and pick up a book and feel that connection. Or, find something else that makes you feel that connection. If you are still reading this, thank you so much for continuing to read this rough-around-the-edges post.
Good night, and I wish you a week full of pants days.
The three women I left to their orgy are master puppeteers in an international conspiracy. They are imprisoning princes from 7 different countries. Whoa! I could not believe it. The international conspiracy story is common now, but in the ancient middle east! I thought the international conspiracy storyline probably emerged around the time of World War I, then gained popularity during the Cold War. Shows how little I know. I also would have thought "the master puppeteer" gimmick appeared around the industrial age when the corporation emerged. Also surprising, the dirt-bag politician. The dirt-bag politician is common throughout history. However, in American history it remained hush hush until Pres. Bill Clinton. Scherzade is so edgy- she tells it like it is. I had no idea that in reading The Book of One Thousand and One Nights I would find a new heroine.
Today was more than just a good reading day though. Today was an all around success. I woke up at 10 AM today and put on jeans. I did not take them off until 9 pm, and that was only to put on pants suitable for working out. Do you understand the gravity of this? I put on pants. Also, I did not watch The Martha Stewart show today. I was too busy studying for my assessment on Wednesday for this job in Madison. If you aren't already overwhelmed by my personal victories, read on. I invented a new expression today, "pants day." A pants day is an exceptionally productive day, a day filled with pride, a day when you feel limitless, a day when the earth seems to buzz with possibility.
Another part of my pants day- I developed a plan for reading the particularly difficult works in the Canon of western/ world literature. The way I'm reading The Book Of One Thousand and One Nights has been successful. I only read around 20 pages a day and I have plenty of time to read less arduous books. I will employ this strategy to read Milton's Paradise Lost, after I'm done with my current project. How thrilling to read Paradise Lost! People often criticize the Canon, but I see the purpose. It is exciting to read something that has been read for hundreds of years. It makes me feel like I'm part of a club that transcends time and geography and the world itself as we all find ourselves lost in a fictitious world. I once heard an author on Book TV say something to this effect: Literature is more intimate than life itself. If life is air, literature is oxygen. Literature is that essential thing. The reason to breathe. That which sustains life.
I wish I could write something like that, but I'm perfectly content to live in a world where someone is capable of such eloquence, even if I am not that person. I can't remember the author, but I think she says more in those few sentences about the value of literature than I will ever be able to express.
In making this journey to find a job I've realized there are many things more important to me than having a resume that will get me noticed. The thing I'm most proud of is my membership in the most intimate, compassionate, beautiful, tragic club in the world, the club of literature. Perhaps I can put that under "community involvement" on my resume.
I hope any readers out there will join me and pick up a book and feel that connection. Or, find something else that makes you feel that connection. If you are still reading this, thank you so much for continuing to read this rough-around-the-edges post.
Good night, and I wish you a week full of pants days.
Friday, February 19, 2010
The Whore of Mensa
Richard Burton (the translator of The Book of One Thousand and One Nights) really had me going today. I was reading a story about three beautiful women who live together and buy fabulous things and don't care to have men around. Briefly, it was so 21st century. Strong women depending on themselves and not tolerating a man they don't really love. I should have known there was no way Richard Burton could tell an entire story about a group of likable, non-conniving woman.
A porter delivers some goods to the women and ends up convincing them it would be nice for him to stick around. They've started drinking and are now engaged in some sort of orgy.
Richard Burton, Why!? I wanted to believe you could be more than a misogynistic, racist, pervert. I can't keep giving you second chances.
I've left the characters in this story to their antics. I quickly grew too fainthearted for that nonsense. I have not read Burton's commentary on this section yet. I'm not ready to know what he thinks of all this.
I generally try to read The Book of One Thousand and One Nights and find some morsel I can parallel with my quest to find a job. I originally was not going to try with this story, but I'm not a quitter. I've actually come up with two parallels. I don't know how strong either is, but I do my best.
Parallel Number One:
On a job board I saw a writing position for a magazine in LA. I thought "Hey, why not." The job came with a home, I should have known, I should have known.
This job did include a small amount of writing for some sort of randy publication, but what really paid the bills was the prostitution part of the job.I hope my life does not spiral down to something like this. And that is all I have to say about the "writing" job in LA.
Parallel Number Two: Woody Guthrie wrote a short story entitled "The Whore of Mensa." In the world of this short story men visit women-of-the-night for intellectual stimulation. If I lived in the world of the Whore of Mensa and prostitution involved discussing art, literature, history, philosophy and politics I think I would be a very wealthy woman. I also might have actually applied for that "writing" job in LA.
Since I don't live in the world of The Whore of Mensa I guess I'll have to keep intelligent conversation as a hobby, not a profession. Slightly disappointing, but better than being duped into prostitution.
A porter delivers some goods to the women and ends up convincing them it would be nice for him to stick around. They've started drinking and are now engaged in some sort of orgy.
Richard Burton, Why!? I wanted to believe you could be more than a misogynistic, racist, pervert. I can't keep giving you second chances.
I've left the characters in this story to their antics. I quickly grew too fainthearted for that nonsense. I have not read Burton's commentary on this section yet. I'm not ready to know what he thinks of all this.
I generally try to read The Book of One Thousand and One Nights and find some morsel I can parallel with my quest to find a job. I originally was not going to try with this story, but I'm not a quitter. I've actually come up with two parallels. I don't know how strong either is, but I do my best.
Parallel Number One:
On a job board I saw a writing position for a magazine in LA. I thought "Hey, why not." The job came with a home, I should have known, I should have known.
This job did include a small amount of writing for some sort of randy publication, but what really paid the bills was the prostitution part of the job.I hope my life does not spiral down to something like this. And that is all I have to say about the "writing" job in LA.
Parallel Number Two: Woody Guthrie wrote a short story entitled "The Whore of Mensa." In the world of this short story men visit women-of-the-night for intellectual stimulation. If I lived in the world of the Whore of Mensa and prostitution involved discussing art, literature, history, philosophy and politics I think I would be a very wealthy woman. I also might have actually applied for that "writing" job in LA.
Since I don't live in the world of The Whore of Mensa I guess I'll have to keep intelligent conversation as a hobby, not a profession. Slightly disappointing, but better than being duped into prostitution.
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